The Top 6 Difficult Worship Team Members

(and Strategies for Change)

(This article is the basis for Episode 3 of the BotaCast)

“What Should I Do With A Difficult Team Member?”

You know the one. Their face has already appeared in your mind. The one who doesn’t learn the songs. The one who’s showing up really late if they even show up at all. Or maybe they are the one who has a great heart, but just isn’t very good. The one you wish you had never given your cell phone number to. Or the one you have been praying would magically get transported like Philip to another church.

A Latte Is Probably Not Going to Cut It

The one-size-fits-all-answer is something along these lines: “Your guitarist doesn’t learn the songs? Maybe he doesn’t know how much you care about him!” “He shows up 30 minutes late to rehearsal? He’s probably having trouble at home.” “He talks trash about you to other worship team members on the golf course? Have you tried taking him out for coffee?”

When you work with people, problems are inevitable.

Welcome to ministry. Or any kind of leadership for that matter.

Having said that, here are the six most frequent situations I have encountered with difficult worship team members and some specific tactics you can take for desperately needed change.

1. They Don’t Prepare

This is the drummer who decides he doesn’t need to learn the right grooves, hits, or fills for a song. He just plays a different song that he already knows in the same tempo as the new song you’re asking him to play. What could go wrong?

The lie: “Volunteers are busy, they can’t be expected to come to rehearsal with the songs learned.”

I call BS. Senior Pastors are busy, yet they find the time to craft original messages week after week. Doctors are busy, but we expect them to keep up with the latest health research and studies. Not calling your volunteers to a standard robs them of achieving all they can be.

When you tolerate musicians who don’t come prepared:

The song sucks.
You frustrate all the other band members, especially the ones who did come prepared
And again, you rob them of the chance to improve.

There are three stages of preparation (more on this in a future article): practice (which happens individually at home), rehearsal (where the song is crafted and refined to be more than the sum of its parts), and run-through (which exists for the production/tech teams to best capture and/or enhance the inputs). When a musician forsakes the first stage (practice), he brings forces the rest of the team to give of their time collectively for practice when everyone should be in rehearsal mode.

Think of it this way: practice should have been 30 minutes at home for one musician. Now multiply that by the 6 other team members who now have to slog through the unprepared member getting up to speed. That’s 3 hours of collective time wasted. Beyond the time management, crappy rehearsal time is a major gut punch to morale in the moment.

So what should you do about it? Call them out. If you had a parking volunteer who was filling up your handicapped and first time guest spots with non-handicapped longtime members, you would correct them. If you don’t have a culture of feedback, it’s time to start. Musicians who are not accustomed to receiving critiques can be sensitive, but consistent evaluation across all team members will help them grow

If it doesn’t work the first time, stay on it. Build an atmosphere of feedback where team members know that if they don’t come prepared, it will be addressed. Here’s the best part, they are going to be the ones who reap the reward. I’m not saying to be a perfectionist drill sergeant, but when everyone knows that there will be accountability and constructive criticism, you’ll reap rising standards all around as a result.

2. They Show Up Late (or not at all!)

“Have you called Timmy? It’s been half an hour and he’s still not here for rehearsal.”

“I leave him voicemails every week, I’m not even gonna bother calling. You know Timmy.”

“Typical Timmy…”

I first heard this statement that sums it up perfectly from Craig Groeschel: “You don’t get to gripe about something you allow. Don’t complain about what you tolerate.”

When you tolerate Timmy’s behavior, you are inadvertently harming him as a person: If Timmy is young, you are neglecting the formation of his character. You might think that sounds dramatic, but don’t be surprised when Timmy brings this same behavior to future leadership opportunities you want him to step into or—even worse—his future jobs. It is a lot easier to blame Timmy or excuse it as just immaturity. But consider this: you could have been that coach who taught him that it’s not okay to be late or absent. Whenever I’m tempted to just let it slide, I think of Timmy’s future wife who has to suffer with the deeply treaded bad habits. Or I think of his future employer’s impression of my church where Timmy was supposedly a leader. Bad behaviors tolerated today stunt the growth of leaders your church will need tomorrow.

When this kind of behavior is allowed, you also signal to your other team members that there are no consequences for showing up late. Don’t be surprised when these sort of tactics begin to be common across your entire team. Take an honest look in the responsibility mirror. It would be convenient to blame Thursday night traffic or families who have a lot going on. But perhaps more blame than you expect falls in your lap. Here’s the dead honest truth: no one wants to sit around waiting for Timmy. If you don’t respect your volunteer’s time, don’t be surprised when they don’t respect your call time.

Here are two simple strategies to change your culture. While they may be simple, they require relentless enforcement.

First: start on time. You will be amazed the difference this makes for any event. Events that start late encourage attendees to arrive even later. If you want your volunteers to arrive on time, make their tardiness felt. There is a marked difference between walking in late to find everyone chilling vs finding everyone circled up already started. (Bonus: if you want to reduce the amount of your church that shows up to service late, stop starting your services 5 minutes late—more on that later). Even if half your team hasn’t arrived yet, start your rehearsal on the dot. I recommend a standing “circle time” for vision casting/praying/order of service overviewing. If your rehearsals have an ambiguous way of starting, it’s likely your volunteers will be ambiguous about the call time.

Second: call them. If you conclude your opening gathering/prayer time and Timmy still isn’t there, call immediately. By calling them up, you’re holding them to a standard. Any standard that isn’t upheld is not actually a standard at all, it’s just a suggestion. I have found that one of these phone calls is usually enough for a volunteer to understand that you are serious about time. A second call should warrant an honest “offline” conversation about their lateness trend.

If needed, help them out with practical steps such as setting recurring alarms on their phone for when they need to head out the door. If there is a practical obstacle to their arrival (e.g. they get off work at 6, have a 45 minute drive to the church, preventing them from making the 6:30 call time), then communicate this to the rest of the team every time that person is scheduled. Here’s what it sounds like: “let’s circle up, we’re all here except Timmy who as you know drives 45 minutes from work. He will be here in 15 minutes). This informs the whole team that Timmy will not be on time because he cannot be on time. It also shows you are accommodating factors outside of his control, while still holding everyone accountable. Or even better, just change rehearsal time to 7:00 so everyone is held to the same standard. (Second side note: why not 6:45? I highly discourage arrival times from being at _:15 or _:45 as on the hour or half hour is much simpler.)

If the pattern continues, Timmy needs to be removed from the schedule until he can show the rest of the team he can value their time. Remember, it’s more unloving to tolerate the development of bad character, disrespect the time of those who do arrive on time, or let Timmy lead the direction of your worship team’s time culture. Remind your team that worship actually starts long before the Sunday morning countdown video.

3. They’re Not Very Good

This one is especially hard if:

A. You are stepping into a new job and inherited them
– or –
B. They are a super great person
– or –
C. Both

You can see it on American Idol. Those judges have no problem kicking out the cocky jerk who can’t hold a tune. But the humanity in them comes out when it’s a cancer-surviving-single-mom with the same pitch issues.

The worship team lie: “They have such a great heart. They can be part of the team and we’ll just mute their mic. It will be fine.”

The true damage:

You lower the standards for your team. Having someone who can’t stay with the click, or a vocalist who can’t stay on tune chains a weight to your MD, and potentially cripples the entire team.
People will notice that they are muted. Especially that person’s family and friends. This can lead to a whole host of problems: they confront the sound guy because “I don’t hear myself in the PA,” or they become embarrassed if they realize what has actually happened.
The team member who is not very good will eventually resent you for pity-placing them on the stage. People deserve to be planted in areas where they can actually thrive. Wasting their time behind a muted channel robs both them and another ministry opportunity that could have actually utilized them and their God-given gifts.

If you inherited them, invest an appropriate amount of time to see if they can be trained and improve. If not, have a difficult but honest conversation about their skill level, and then actually help them find a new area of service.

If they’re a new audition who is not very good, the most loving thing you can do is not put them on the path to becoming the pity placement someone else will inherit in the future.

"People deserve to be planted in areas where they can actually thrive. Wasting their time behind a muted channel robs both them and another ministry opportunity that could have actually utilized them and their God-given gifts."-Daniel Tsubota Click To Tweet

4. They Make Unbiblical or Inappropriate Choices

Now we are getting into real answer territory that no conference speaker wants to unpack. Here’s the scenario: Braden is an incredible vocalist. His performance of “O Holy Night” had people literally falling on their knees last Christmas Eve. Unfortunately, Braden’s offstage behavior is a problem. Maybe it isn’t overtly sinful, and even has just enough Christianese to excuse it. It started with shirtless bathroom selfies (#FearfullyAndWonderfullyMade), but now it’s uncomfortable comments on random celebrity thirst trap posts: “Wow, I pray every day my future wife is as beautiful as you.” Or maybe it’s devolved even further: he’s sleeping at his girlfriend’s house on Saturday nights because “it’s an early call time and her house is closer to church.” Or even further: he is a regular at the clubs (you know, a “friend of sinners, just like Jesus!”).

It’s time to have an honest conversation with Braden. These conversations suck, but you cannot avoid them. The longer you delay, the harder it will be. Also, you may ignore the behavior, but you better believe that your team is not ignoring your silence. If you don’t have the pastoral courage to correct an out of line sheep, what confidence does the rest of your flock have in you against the wolves?

What not to do:

Ignore it.
Comment on the inappropriate social media activity.
Have a conversation over text.
Have a conversation over the phone.

An in-person conversation is necessary: you need the richness of facial expression, body language, proximity and presence. Remember, Braden doesn’t seem to be afraid to engage in the behavior so you don’t need to be afraid to hold him accountable. This is not an awkward confrontation, it’s discipleship. Discipleship is not just going through book studies or memorizing scripture together, it’s iron sharpening iron as both of you grow as leaders. If Braden rejects your correction and doesn’t not allow you to be a leader for him, there is no way you can continue to allow him to be a leader on your stage.

If Braden does receive the correction and wants to change, you must follow up. A moment of vulnerability reinforced with pastoral care can produce great results, but confrontation reinforced with silence quickly sours a relationship. Yes, this will require extra time over the course of the next few months. You have to prepare for more than the initial conversation, schedule in advance your follow up. This is shepherding and your department meetings, strategic planning, and creative dreaming will have to be the 99 you are willing to leave for Braden. If the situation does not improve, they often become Difficult Person #5 as well.

"A moment of vulnerability reinforced with pastoral care can produce great results, but confrontation reinforced with silence quickly sours a relationship." -Daniel Tsubota Click To Tweet

And if Braden refuses to change, he must be excused from the team. Just like Difficult Team Member #2 (Timmy who can’t keep track of time), what you accept is what will be repeated. Sin is humanity’s natural bent and will propagate and spread without intervention from you, the leader.

5. They Have a Terrible Attitude

If this difficult team member had a spirit animal it would be Eeyore. You know, the depressed donkey from Winnie the Pooh that just kills any spirit of positivitivy. It’s probably even worse, sometimes this Eeyore is downright pissed off. You sometimes wonder how the flaming anger behind their eyes doesn’t melt their cold soul. When they’re not silent, they are a complainer. Even worse: a public complainer, criticizing your direction and your leadership in front of other team members. Eeyore is a diva. You might think that title is reserved for high maintenance pop stars who only want blue M&Ms. But in worship team contexts, divas usually manifest as quietly entitled.

One of my mentors lays out what he calls the “Diva Test”:

Do you feel like you own that spot on the stage?
Are you going to be put out if you can’t sing that harmony or play that guitar line?
Will you pout if I decide you’re not the right person for that part?
Do you have an argumentative spirit, always questioning what we are doing?
Do you constantly show up late and/or gripe that rehearsals are too long
do you email when you don’t see your name on the list for the weekend, wondering if you’re being phased out?
do you show your frustration in public, criticizing a pastor/director for all to hear?

A yes to any of those questions means you’ve just failed the diva test.

What if his bad attitude really is your fault?

The one-size-fits-all answer for this difficult team member goes something like this: “Take them out to coffee and get to know them as a person.” This sounds nice in a conference breakout session, and if a couple laughs over a double shot transforms Eeyore into Tigger, fantastic. Unfortunately, what usually happens isn’t a happily ever after. Getting to know Eeyore more is great, but don’t let that relational capital an obstacle you have to overcome when it’s time to excuse them from the team.

“You don’t know what’s going on in Eeyore’s life! He might be having problems in his marriage!” Eeyore needs time off the schedule to focus on his marriage then.

“Eeyore just doesn’t feel like his opinions are being heard!” There is a line between difference of opinion and team killing bitterness and resentment. I’m not saying you have to kick him off the team, but there are reasons they treat injured athletes off the field. Your team will lose and Eeyore’s injury will be exacerbated if he plays while injured.

AND FINALLY

This last one is a sensitive topic.

Coincidentally, it is the most concise.

If you have this difficult team member, there is only one outcome:

6. They Threaten to Leave the Church

They are already gone.

– You will never be able to scratch their itch.

– Don’t chase people who are leaving

– Rob them of their next season, rob their next area of service from getting new blood, you poison your team with expired.

Catch this month’s BotaCast for an even deeper dive into this topic.

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